Post by ForeverFrostWings on Feb 11, 2006 23:23:45 GMT -5
(This is the first chapter of a story i have written, its completed and edited, now i just need to publish it. HONEST OPINIONS PLEASE)
Chapter 1: A Glowing Start
Book Name: Currently untitled
Dathana opened her eyes and looked out her window. The sun was barely peaking over a cloud, leaving an orangey-pink glow in the sky.
“C’mon Dathana you’re gonna be late!”
Aneirin, (Dathana’s twin brother), was yelling for her to get up. Today was May 5th, the day she’d begin her training as a Lupeazian guider; two hard years of training for the day she might receive a wolf partner of her own, just as her mother had.
Her mother’s wolf partner was Mage Bane, a slim female wolf with small teeth, orange-red eyes, and a wise face. Mage Bane lived with them and looked after them due to the absence of their father who was Chief of the King’s knights. He was a Lupeazian guider until four years ago when his wolf partner, Dhahran, was killed during the Swalorian war. Wolf-partners bond for life so their father would never have another.
The reason Dathana and her twin brother, Aneirin, do not live with their mother is that she died of dichi fever, an evil sickness, no more than half a year ago.
“C’mon, Dathana, it’s the big day… It is the day we go off to become more than we are; we will become Lupeazian guiders!” Aneirin was very eager.
“Yes… I know. I’m getting up!” called Dathana.
Sure her brother was excited, but that was no reason to be so impatient! She looked out the window and jumped when the Zanil town bell chimed seven times.
“Oh no! We’re gonna be late!” cried Dathana, leaping out of bed.
She put on a pair of firm brown leather breeches and a pale blue shirt, and raced down the flimsy stairs. Aneirin had already made a bowl of porridge for her; she gobbled it down and yelled out to him. “I’m ready!”
Aneirin was already outside saddling Biscuit and Cotton, their ponies.
“Oh good… about time! We’ve got to go!” He sounded thrilled but tense with anxiety and once all their belongings were securely tied down, he mounted Cotton.
Dathana mounted Biscuit and nudged him into a gallop. Town was an hour away and they had to hurry or they would be unable to register because there would be no rooms left!
Aneirin and Dathana had arrived with ten minutes to spare and were at the registrar’s desk.
“So your names are?”
“Our names are Aneirin and Dathana,” Aneirin informed the desk clerk.
“Okay. Aneirin your room is number eleven and Dathana’s is number thirteen. Training starts 7:00 am sharp tomorrow morning. Have a nice day.”
When they found their rooms, (Aneirin got lost!), Aneirin said goodbye and disappeared into his room. Dathana wished training would start now! She was thinking how lonely she felt when there was a knock on the door.
“Coming!” she yelled, as she opened the door to find a handsome boy standing there.
“’ey, I’m Lio. I’m nex’ door ‘n room twelve ‘n’ thought I’d come in ‘n’ say hi!”
Dathana noticed the thick northern accent and was a little shocked at the boy’s forwardness at first, but then replied, “Well that was nice of you. My name is Dathana,” she smiled. “Why don’t you come in?”
Lio walked into her room, smiling. “Yer here wit’ yer brother, aren’ ye?”
“Yes my brother Aneirin and I came to try and become Lupeazians guiders. How did you know I had a brother?” gasped Dathana.
“Le’s jus’ say good news travels fas’.” Lio replied slyly with a grin.
He told Dathana that he too was trying to become a Lupeazian guider and that his mother’s partner was Accra and his father’s, Odessa.
Dathana nodded, “My mother’s wolf partner is Mage Bane and my father’s wolf partner was Dhahran, but he was killed in the Swalorian war.”
Lio’s face dropped. “Blimey! Sorry,” he apologised.
“Oh, it’s alright. My dad was upset at first, but now he’s getting on with his life. He wasn’t as upset as when he lost Mother and joined the king’s knights to keep himself occupied, so mother left Mage Bane to look after us.”
Lio and Dathana were still talking when Aneirin entered the room. “Oh… not interrupting anything am I?”
“No of course not!” laughed Dathana.
“Ye mus’ be Aneirin, Dathana’s famous brother,” Lio added.
“Dathana, have you been bragging already?” Aneirin exclaimed, shaking his head.
“No! I have not been bragging!” Dathana shrieked.
“Alright! Just calm down please. I hate it when you’re mad; you scare me!” pleaded Aneirin.
“Come. Sit down, Aneirin and talk wit’ us. Can I call ye Nye for short?” offered Lio.
“Oh alright!” shrugged Aneirin.
Aneirin, Dathana, and Lio had been talking for hours when the town bell struck twenty-one times.
“Well, tha’s the ‘lights out’ bell, so see ye tomorrow Dathana and Nye,” Lio yawned.
“Goodnight Lio,” they chorused.
Shortly after, Aneirin said goodnight, and Dathana was alone again.
Dathana barely remembered falling asleep, when she awoke to a chorus of howls. Sighing, she opened her window and after breathing in the fresh night air, she began to sing an old lullaby her mother sang to her when she was little.
A floorboard creaked behind her. Dathana spun around, unsheathing the dagger that she had hidden under her belt before she and her brother had left home.
“Hey! What’s that for?” breathed the silhouette of…. Aneirin!
“Aneirin! What are you doing up this late?” whispered Dathana.
“To find out why you were up,” he answered.
“Lupeazians woke me,” she lied.
That was not all that woke her; the memory of her mother’s dying voice still woke her at night.
“Don’t lie, sister. I know when you’re lying,” glared Aneirin. “You were thinking about Mum, weren’t you?”
“You know me too well brother…yes I was thinking about our mother,” Dathana admitted.
“I miss her too, Sis.” Aneirin’s words comforted her. “So don’t be sad.”
After comforting her for a while he told her to get some rest; she would need it, and then left the room.
Aneirin woke Dathana at 6:00.
“Hey what? Oh, that’s right! I’ve got to get ready for our first lesson, right?” she grumbled.
“Yep,” teased Aneirin.
Dathana threw her pillow at him then leapt out of bed and went to put on her breeches and top but realised Aneirin was still there.
“Do you mind?” she yelled.
“No,” laughed Aneirin.
She glared at him and he quickly left the room.
Chapter 1: A Glowing Start
Book Name: Currently untitled
Dathana opened her eyes and looked out her window. The sun was barely peaking over a cloud, leaving an orangey-pink glow in the sky.
“C’mon Dathana you’re gonna be late!”
Aneirin, (Dathana’s twin brother), was yelling for her to get up. Today was May 5th, the day she’d begin her training as a Lupeazian guider; two hard years of training for the day she might receive a wolf partner of her own, just as her mother had.
Her mother’s wolf partner was Mage Bane, a slim female wolf with small teeth, orange-red eyes, and a wise face. Mage Bane lived with them and looked after them due to the absence of their father who was Chief of the King’s knights. He was a Lupeazian guider until four years ago when his wolf partner, Dhahran, was killed during the Swalorian war. Wolf-partners bond for life so their father would never have another.
The reason Dathana and her twin brother, Aneirin, do not live with their mother is that she died of dichi fever, an evil sickness, no more than half a year ago.
“C’mon, Dathana, it’s the big day… It is the day we go off to become more than we are; we will become Lupeazian guiders!” Aneirin was very eager.
“Yes… I know. I’m getting up!” called Dathana.
Sure her brother was excited, but that was no reason to be so impatient! She looked out the window and jumped when the Zanil town bell chimed seven times.
“Oh no! We’re gonna be late!” cried Dathana, leaping out of bed.
She put on a pair of firm brown leather breeches and a pale blue shirt, and raced down the flimsy stairs. Aneirin had already made a bowl of porridge for her; she gobbled it down and yelled out to him. “I’m ready!”
Aneirin was already outside saddling Biscuit and Cotton, their ponies.
“Oh good… about time! We’ve got to go!” He sounded thrilled but tense with anxiety and once all their belongings were securely tied down, he mounted Cotton.
Dathana mounted Biscuit and nudged him into a gallop. Town was an hour away and they had to hurry or they would be unable to register because there would be no rooms left!
Aneirin and Dathana had arrived with ten minutes to spare and were at the registrar’s desk.
“So your names are?”
“Our names are Aneirin and Dathana,” Aneirin informed the desk clerk.
“Okay. Aneirin your room is number eleven and Dathana’s is number thirteen. Training starts 7:00 am sharp tomorrow morning. Have a nice day.”
When they found their rooms, (Aneirin got lost!), Aneirin said goodbye and disappeared into his room. Dathana wished training would start now! She was thinking how lonely she felt when there was a knock on the door.
“Coming!” she yelled, as she opened the door to find a handsome boy standing there.
“’ey, I’m Lio. I’m nex’ door ‘n room twelve ‘n’ thought I’d come in ‘n’ say hi!”
Dathana noticed the thick northern accent and was a little shocked at the boy’s forwardness at first, but then replied, “Well that was nice of you. My name is Dathana,” she smiled. “Why don’t you come in?”
Lio walked into her room, smiling. “Yer here wit’ yer brother, aren’ ye?”
“Yes my brother Aneirin and I came to try and become Lupeazians guiders. How did you know I had a brother?” gasped Dathana.
“Le’s jus’ say good news travels fas’.” Lio replied slyly with a grin.
He told Dathana that he too was trying to become a Lupeazian guider and that his mother’s partner was Accra and his father’s, Odessa.
Dathana nodded, “My mother’s wolf partner is Mage Bane and my father’s wolf partner was Dhahran, but he was killed in the Swalorian war.”
Lio’s face dropped. “Blimey! Sorry,” he apologised.
“Oh, it’s alright. My dad was upset at first, but now he’s getting on with his life. He wasn’t as upset as when he lost Mother and joined the king’s knights to keep himself occupied, so mother left Mage Bane to look after us.”
Lio and Dathana were still talking when Aneirin entered the room. “Oh… not interrupting anything am I?”
“No of course not!” laughed Dathana.
“Ye mus’ be Aneirin, Dathana’s famous brother,” Lio added.
“Dathana, have you been bragging already?” Aneirin exclaimed, shaking his head.
“No! I have not been bragging!” Dathana shrieked.
“Alright! Just calm down please. I hate it when you’re mad; you scare me!” pleaded Aneirin.
“Come. Sit down, Aneirin and talk wit’ us. Can I call ye Nye for short?” offered Lio.
“Oh alright!” shrugged Aneirin.
Aneirin, Dathana, and Lio had been talking for hours when the town bell struck twenty-one times.
“Well, tha’s the ‘lights out’ bell, so see ye tomorrow Dathana and Nye,” Lio yawned.
“Goodnight Lio,” they chorused.
Shortly after, Aneirin said goodnight, and Dathana was alone again.
Dathana barely remembered falling asleep, when she awoke to a chorus of howls. Sighing, she opened her window and after breathing in the fresh night air, she began to sing an old lullaby her mother sang to her when she was little.
A floorboard creaked behind her. Dathana spun around, unsheathing the dagger that she had hidden under her belt before she and her brother had left home.
“Hey! What’s that for?” breathed the silhouette of…. Aneirin!
“Aneirin! What are you doing up this late?” whispered Dathana.
“To find out why you were up,” he answered.
“Lupeazians woke me,” she lied.
That was not all that woke her; the memory of her mother’s dying voice still woke her at night.
“Don’t lie, sister. I know when you’re lying,” glared Aneirin. “You were thinking about Mum, weren’t you?”
“You know me too well brother…yes I was thinking about our mother,” Dathana admitted.
“I miss her too, Sis.” Aneirin’s words comforted her. “So don’t be sad.”
After comforting her for a while he told her to get some rest; she would need it, and then left the room.
Aneirin woke Dathana at 6:00.
“Hey what? Oh, that’s right! I’ve got to get ready for our first lesson, right?” she grumbled.
“Yep,” teased Aneirin.
Dathana threw her pillow at him then leapt out of bed and went to put on her breeches and top but realised Aneirin was still there.
“Do you mind?” she yelled.
“No,” laughed Aneirin.
She glared at him and he quickly left the room.
( No comments? Do i really suck that bad?)
And I will get to sending you a critique I'm just so far behind every time I manage to get online! Gomen!